I am The Very Model of a Modern Esotericist
(to the tune of "The Model of a Modern Major General" by Gilbert and Sullivan)
I am the very model of a modern esotericist; A seasoned astral traveller and edifying exorcist, A sparkling star astrologer, a dead adroit necromancer, A dab hand as a palmist and a card as a tarotmancer.
I've folk tradition lineage btoh Celtic and Germanical; I've channelled Robert Heinlein and I've busted cults Satanical; Elusively mysterious in Eleusinian Mysteries, I've disproved ninety-three percent of Velikovsky's histories.
My patent aphrodisiacs would make a satyr hornier; I've manufactured unicorns in Northern California; In short, in matters magical, I'm manic as a terrorist; I am the very model of a modern esotericist. I am the very model of a modern esotericist; My mystic methodology's inherently empiricist; I’ve trod the Cretan labyrynth on pathways that I travel on; I don’t deny the rumours that I ghostwrote Mists of Avalon.
A truly great Great Riter and a master of tantrickery, I’m up the Shining Pathways till the guardians are sick of me; I dazzle Neo-Pagans as I breakdance round the Wicca ring; And, miracle of miracles, I even stop them bickering.
I’ve raised the ghost of Crowley in a Gnostic Mass invoking in Sumerian, Bavarian, Etruscan and Enochian; I'd sing another chorus but I have to see my therapist; I am the very model of a modern esotericist.
source for this version unknown.